What can I do to look less like an American tourist so I don’t call attention to myself?

image: concrete abuse of text

Now to reveal my biases!

  1. When you talk, don’t attempt to demolish the wall opposite you. Americans are loud! I’m a Brit, and I’m loud for a Brit, but even I’ve only demolished three walls by accident, and I can’t even attempt to out loud a hearty American tourist who thinks he’s whispering.
  2. Wear clothing that does not force everyone else to urgently shut their eyes and accidentally walk into something. I can understand a desire to wear bright and colourful apparel, but not those colours, not in those combinations, please!
  3. Don’t go to the UK and ask if anyone speaks English. I’ve seen that happen, in a pub in London. No one speaks English in England, incidentally, it’s just some nonsense gobbledygook a joker made up when talking to an American tourist, called Washington I think, back in the 17th century. That joke backfired, badly. We Brits have all learned to be deadly serious since then so the same kind of thing doesn’t happen again. Just so you know, we actually all speak Dutch, following the glorious revolution. Incidentally, don’t tell the Hollanders, most of them think they speak two languages when they really speak two of dialects of the same one.
  4. Put that gun away! In the UK, and except for the military & the police, guns are used by male prostitutes to advertise their … erm … assets. Guns are also used by farmers to shoot troublesome peasants, but that doesn’t count.

Originally posted on quora.