I’ve not visited the UK since before the pandemic. I hadn’t realised just how much I’d missed some bizarre British — or maybe English — conversation patterns until I overheard something stunningly silly in the Eurostar waiting room before boarding the train to blighty.
The setting: a guy’s on his mobile. He wanted to know if he was going to be paid for an extra days work, but didn’t want to ask because, I suspect, he should have read the contract and hadn’t done so.
er … hello
so … er … how are you?
Yes yes I’m fine thank you … musn’t grumble
how was your holiday
wash out
floods
tents floating down the river
and your car
that must have been horrible
finally got rid of your father–in–law’s restored austin allegro … the wife couldn’t blame you
well done
glad it all worked out well in the end
mine … well, the bloody yorkie got into the neighbour’s paddock and killed five ponies
yes yes I was ****ing boulders
i got damned lucky, the vet told the neighbour it was alligators
… erm …
yeah he really did … and the neighbour really did
really
he’s not spoken to me except the usual nice weather and have i seen any alligators about
yeah, as one does
anyway a few days later when the postie delivered my amazon dog gallows i saw the neighbour got an amazon anti–alligator bazooka
nah my wife wouldn’t let me use them
yeah you’re right i owe that vet big time
i think I know what he wants, he’s the captain of the pub quiz team we’re playing next week for the championship
so … erm …
about my work days
the job took an extra day
erm … would i be right to think to that it’s …
… erm …
can i confirm it’s that extra day clause … i get nothing extra
yeah, yeah, ok that’s what I expected
… erm …
yeah, we can do a pint next week
great … look forward to it
(*end of call*)
BASTARDS