leaving do

Mine and B’s last day at XXXX will be Friday 26th September.

Now, I like to partake in proper leaving bashes—I’m not fond of the usual wimpish surrogates. For that reason, I’d ask you to ensure you do not have any appointments on that Friday afternoon, because if you do manage to get back to them, you’re unlikely to make a positive impression. Furthermore, I’d advise you not to drive in on Friday morning, since I intend to ensure you won’t be able to drive back without being over the limit. I, for one, will be organising a taxi back from the pub that afternoon straight to the station. Let me know if you’d like to share it.

Pub? Yes, I intend to spend my last afternoon working for XXXX lounging in the Lytton Arms, making a complete fool of myself with the coöperation of too many pints of Fuller’s London Pride. Let’s meet there at 12:30. Don’t forget B is a poor student and so will need you to buy him a pint when you get there. And don’t forget I’m a fat git and will need you to buy me lots of pints so I notice I’ve drunk them.

Can anyone give me a lift?

Please pass this invitation on to anyone whom you think might appreciate the chance to partake.