angst cycle (iii) — [T] (ii)

so i’ve not allowed myself to stop
made those books
fucking writing’s been charring me out
depopulate loch ness

but i need to face this
it’s happened before
i need to face the problem
it’s happened before
the common factor is me
it’s happened before
but i need to face this
it’s happened before

i cannot handle the pain
when most men
use it to pursue
they feel a positive
not my sea
it seems

my sexuality is low
not just right now
not because it’s actually low
but because i detest it
expressing love
by hurting the person i love
no
i detest that
i am what i am
i detest it
but i have
to allow myself
to power it
because without the power
the girl won’t get
what she needs
not the pain
i detest that
but the lust
but the love
it makes

i’ve found something great
in the aloneness
it’s not love