angst cycle (iii) — [Ʀ] (iv)

so
to hunt
i have to engage my lust
have it generate motivation
which means awaken it
connect it with more than
fancying the lottery ticket

and i run right into that
damned shyness
that cursed the youth me
i broke it with talking
i broke it with munches
now i need to break it again

you see
i think the way
to shake my lust into fitness
is experience of what i get
when it works
some serious successful sex

and my age
in this state of ignorance
and i refuse to depend on luck
means seeking those professionals
success begets success
i need the yeast
to make the bread
to make more yeast
to make more bread

and there’s the shyness
i’m hassled to visit the places
the bars the really brothels
and i’m so alienated
i guess i have to let a hassle man win
but all that pressure
walking home at night
someone forcing conversation on me
trying almost to make me
enter their friends’ establishment
their hunger for their profit
that’s my unknown amount of money
i want to know how much i’ll spend
before i spend

it’s a dirty side
of a dirty business
i need to use
to keep a sanity

but they’re offering a game to play
their rules
an exotic game of interest
to play

undecided
shyness
requirement

undecided
i think

undecided

something
though
is necessary
and i can’t see
a second road