angst cycle (iii) — [P] (iv)

i found myself
thinking an apology

not for the cut
that’s necessary
for my health

and although
i’d like to think
she’d be hurt by it
i’m pretty sure not much

no
i wasn’t very nice
things i said

i might send it
to apologise for my words
god knows if she’ll read it
i suspect not

the cut
and i’m talking
it’s her contacting me
i have to stop

i’ll say why
i’m crap at handling
emotional pain
i can take no more
she saw me stop absorbing

i owe an apology
i don’t want the cycle
to restart
i’ll ask her not to reply
being pretty confident
she’ll not read it anyway

since she said
a gadzillion nos
well two or three
too many
my thoughts
of her feelings
are likely exaggerated