angst cycle (iii) — [N] (viii)

of course
they’re not the same
there’s no 24 hour
numb cold shock
no stupidity
making a cup of coffee
and putting it in the fridge

but the pain afterwards
the mourning
that’s the comparison
the intensity of hurt
that’s what i hate

at least
with a death
it fades at it’s own pace

with this
every time the cause
speaks to me
the intensity of pain returns

that’s why i have to expel myself
send myself into exile
cut the contact

so i can cut the pain
it’ll fade at it’s own pace
faster than mourning
but still too bloody slow